Breaking Free from Perfectionism: Shifting From Survival to Growth

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“What if being a perfectionist wasn’t a flaw to overcome, but a gift to embrace?”

— Katherine Morgan Schafler

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you accomplish, it’s never enough? Maybe you find yourself overanalyzing emails before hitting send, procrastinating on tasks because they must be perfect, or avoiding new opportunities out of fear that you won’t excel. If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with perfectionism — a sneaky, self-destructive pattern that can make life feel like a constant uphill battle.

Here’s the thing: perfectionism can feel like a kind of growing pain. It’s painful to constantly chase an impossible standard, but this is also where real growth and evolution can happen. The work isn’t to erase the urge to present ourselves in a certain way, but to refine it so that we don’t lose our functionality or get stuck in cycles of self-criticism.

What is perfectionism exactly?:

Perfectionism can be briefly understood as “a combination of excessively high personal standards and overly critical self-evaluations” (Hill & Madigan, 2017).

Fun fact: Perfectionism is not an official diagnosis or clinical disorder, but perfectionistic behaviours can intersect with mental health disorders and conditions.

According to clinical psychologist Sharon Saline, Psy.D., Perfectionism also often stems from incorrectly estimating the demands of a task or situation, misunderstanding when to let some things go and the inability of accessing resources to help you cope with a perceived challenge.

In other words, perfectionism isn’t about being your best. It’s about avoiding failure, feelings of inadequacy, and holding yourself to an unrealistic standard without the flexibility to adjust, let things go, and often—ask for help.

So how does it actually show up?

Perfectionism can manifest in many different ways, and sometimes we don’t even realize we’re caught up in its grip.

Perfectionistic Thinking Patterns:

• All-or-nothing thinking: Anything less than perfect feels like failure. The goalpost for “perfect” keeps moving.

• “Should” and “must” statements: “I should be able to do this easily,” or “I must be the best at this.”

• Personalizing mistakes: Taking responsibility for things outside of your control.

• Overgeneralizing failure: One mistake = “I’m a failure at everything.”

Perfectionistic Behaviours:

• Procrastination: Delaying tasks out of fear they won’t be done “right.”

• Avoidance: Ignoring tasks altogether so you don’t have to face the stress.

• Decision paralysis: Overanalyzing every choice, big or small.

• Reassurance-seeking: Needing external validation before moving forward.

• Overworking: Hyperfocusing on details instead of what truly matters.

Perfectionism in real life

Perfectionism doesn’t just show up in school or work, it seeps into every aspect of our lives, including how we date, maintain relationships, engage with our hobbies, and of course— impacting our self-image and our sense of self worth.

Let’s break it down even further:

💼 At work or school: Avoiding opportunities unless you meet every single requirement. Spending hours tweaking a resume. Feeling crushed by feedback.

❤️ In dating and relationships: Avoiding apps because rejection feels unbearable. Struggling to open up because you “should” be able to cope alone. Being critical of yourself and your partner in the name of improvement.

🎨 In hobbies and leisure: Quitting when you’re not instantly “good” at something. Avoiding creative activities for fear of judgment. Losing the joy in play because you’ve turned it into competition.

Isn’t it normal to strive toward your best?

What if I’m just striving for excellence? This is a common question we get from our clients. The difference lies in rigidity vs. flexibility. Researchers continue to explore the difference between striving for excellence and seeking perfection, but in the meantime, what do we actually do?

This is where it helps to think less about the “what” of perfectionism and more on the “how.” AKA —working toward attaining precision vs. perfection.

• Perfectionism is inherently rigid — it demands flawless outcomes, no matter the cost. The minute you get close, the goalpost shifts again. It’s tied to fear, shame, and the belief that worthiness is conditional.

• Seeking excellence, or precision, is flexible. It’s about setting realistic, value-driven goals and working toward them with care. Precision allows room for mistakes, learning, adjustments, and rest.

TLDR: Precision has an end point. Perfection does not. Precise targets support growth. Perfection shuts growth down.

The historical roots of perfectionism

Because of course intergenerational trauma is involved 🥲

For many of us who are Black, Indigenous, or people of colour, perfectionism isn’t random. It’s tied to historical trauma and strategies of survival. Generations of systemic racism, colonization, and oppression have told us we have to work twice as hard, be twice as good, and never let our guard down.

Maybe you’ve been taught (directly or indirectly) that your worth is constantly being measured: by how “professional” you sound, how “smart” you appear, how you look, or how flawless your work is.

In this context, perfectionism feels less like a personality quirk and more like a survival strategy. You kind of need to be a perfectionist to play the game. The drive to embody the “ideal” makes sense if you’ve been punished for simply being yourself.

But here’s the shift: we don’t have to cling to perfectionism as tightly as we once did. By moving toward precision, we can honour our desire to excel without letting impossible standards define us. We can challenge the false promises of meritocracy and reclaim our right to rest, creativity, and self-acceptance.

Breaking free from perfectionism’s tight grip

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering our standards or rejecting ambition. It means loosening perfectionism’s grip, creating space for mistakes, and remembering that growth is often messy.

Perfectionism might have roots in survival, but growth asks something different of us: trust, flexibility, and the courage to show up imperfectly and still believe we’re worthy.

If you resonated with this and are curious about what to do next, we’ve got you covered.

Bloom created a free PDF resource, Good Enough: Healing Perfectionistic Ways of Being, with practical tips and reflections to help you take this work further.

Final Thoughts

If perfectionism has been shaping the way you move through the world, you’re not alone — and you don’t have to stay caught in its cycle. Perfectionism might have been a survival tool for you or your family in the past, but it doesn’t have to define your future.

The truth is, perfection isn’t the most important goal. Growth, fulfillment, and self-acceptance are.

So take a deep breath, and remember:

🌿 Done is better than perfect.
🌿 Precision > Perfection.
🌿 You are enough, just as you are.

If you’re looking for support and want to explore this more deeply, you can always reach us at [email protected] or visit our website to learn about our therapy offerings 🌳.

Written by: Meghan Watson, M.A, RP

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