Rewriting Your Money Story: Healing Financial Trauma in Real Life 💸

Welcome to The Growing Pains Collective. Written by licensed therapists and real people, off the algorithm. Driven by creativity, connection, and community.

Right after tax season and right before summer kicks into high gear, there's often a predictably—unpredictable wave of stress, anxiety, and shame related to our relationship to money.

The warmer months usually mean more social events, outdoor activities, and invitations that come with price tags. If you live somewhere with seasons, the sun tends to take over as the main character this time of year. That often means more time outside, more spontaneous outings, more "yes" plans, and... more spending.

If just hearing the word “finances” makes your stomach tighten or your heart race, know that you’re not alone. Our relationship with money is deeply personal, and is shaped by family history, cultural expectations, and systemic inequality. 

For many folks, financial trauma is not just real—it’s generational. The good news is that with awareness, support, and small, steady actions, we can start to shift how we relate to money.

🧰 So what is financial trauma anyway?

Financial trauma refers to the chronic stress or emotional pain connected to money. It can happen on a personal, generational, or systemic level. It often surfaces when we’re under-resourced or overwhelmed.

Sometimes this type of trauma wound shows up in our lives without us even noticing when the impact even began.

Financial Trauma wounds look like:

• Growing up in poverty, with unstable finances, or during economic crises

• Watching caregivers or family members struggle with debt

• Experiencing workplace discrimination or being chronically underpaid

• Being an immigrant or first-generation earner that needs to support family

• Navigating systemic barriers to building wealth, like student loans, or limited access to financial education

Financial trauma wounds can also shaped by early family dynamics + experiences, including (but not limited to):

• Money being used to control or manipulate.

• Shame or secrecy around family finances.

• Pressure to financially support others without choice or boundaries.

• Being excluded from financial conversations but expected to contribute.

When financial trauma goes unaddressed, it doesn’t just live in our bank accounts.

It shows up in our value systems, our core beliefs, the ways we think, how we feel, and of course, how we act around money and use it in our lives.

💘 Internal signs of financial trauma

Financial trauma often doesn’t look the way we might expect it to. Here are some common ways it can show up in daily life:

Avoidance 😶‍🌫️

• Ignoring bills, budget apps, reading bank statements or emails related to money.

• Avoiding tax season or budgeting altogether

• Putting off money tasks out of anxiety, shame or fear

Overspending 💸

• Shopping to soothe sadness or stress

• Constantly "treating yourself" to cope with past scarcity

• Spending impulsively even when it harms your goals

Underspending & Scarcity Mindset 🪡

• Hoarding cash even when you’re financially stable

• Feeling guilt over spending on essentials

• Refusals to spend money on things that bring ease or comfort

• Holding back from investing in your own growth or care, even if it’s important

Lack of Boundaries ☔️

• Feeling obligated to financially support others, even to your own detriment (this is outside of reasonable cultural norms)

• Struggling to say no to lending money

• Feeling guilt or shame when trying to set financial limits

If this is resonating with you, you’re not inherently flawed or broken. Becoming aware of your relationship to finances is the first step to changing and healing.

When Money Wounds Cut Deep

Unhealed financial trauma impacts our mental health, decision-making, and our relationships across the board. Some common effects you might notice include:

• 😩 Anxiety & Stress: Constant worry about money, even when finances are stable.

• 💩 Guilt & Shame: Feeling bad about spending, saving, or not having enough.

• 😵‍💫 Fear of Failure: Hesitating to invest, start a business, or take financial risks.

• 😤 Relationship Struggles: Conflicts with partners, family, or friends over money.

• 🤐 Lack of Financial Confidence: Doubting your ability to manage finances effectively.

Financial trauma shapes our core beliefs. Trauma has a way of writing and rewriting harmful stories in our minds, embedding the behaviours in response to those stories into what may be an already frayed and burnt out nervous system.

These narratives can lead us to painful and disruptive behaviours, and disordered ways of interacting with money. Without facing that ingrained trauma, learning those scripts and stories, and/ or becoming curious about how to change, simply engaging in tips, tools and superficial financial strategies, will rarely help in the long term.

Here’s the good news: financial trauma is not a life sentence. You can change your relationship with money. It just takes time, insight and small, intentional steps.

Healing Financial Trauma: What It Is and How to Start

🔎 Identify Your Triggers & Patterns

Ask yourself:

• What emotions come up when I think about money?

• How did my family talk about (or not talk about) finances growing up?

• What money habits or beliefs have I inherited?

Journaling about these questions can help bring more insight and awareness to your specific financial patterns, vs applying tools and perspectives that don’t fit your situation.

📝 Create a Flexible Financial Plan (That Works for You!)

This one isn’t necessarily therapy related, but one that most people tend to start and end with. The key here is the word “flexible.” Consider if any of the habits or beliefs you’ve explored (see above) contribute to a sense of rigidity, all or nothing thinking or feelings of scarcity.

Once you identify what financial tools or plans work for you, consider challenging those beliefs as you use and engage with the strategies below:

• Start small—set one achievable financial goal at a time. Too much, too soon reflects a rebound effect against scarcity ☞ “I have to figure it all out at once”

• Use budgeting tools like Mint, YNAB, or a simple spreadsheet to help keep track of the money you’re bringing in and how you’re spending it.

  • Explore the ways you approach and avoid the tools you choose.

  • Consider working with a registered financial planning professional (banks usually offer this service for free) if you need more accountability and support.

• Set realistic savings and spending goals based on your actual lifestyle and needs. Try not to live in a fantasy of what you think you should be doing with money, and get clear on what you truly need.

  • Look back at your social calendar and get observational: what did you spend last summer? Was any of that spending meaningful to you? Were there things you spent money on that you’ve yet to use or see benefit from?

  • It’s not always intuitive that bigger amounts mean things should be cut out of your budget and goal. Consider what adds value to your life, and that truly help you thrive.

🫂 Seek Out Resources & Support

• Financial literacy is a skill! Look into free workshops, podcasts, or books. Consider expanding your learning beyond traditional finance texts.

  • E.g., Drama Free by Nedra Glover Tawwab includes a section where she explores how family dynamics and boundaries may influence our relationship with money and responsibility. 

• If finances feel overwhelming, and traditional finance pros aren’t going deep enough, consider speaking to a therapist, a financial counsellor or a coach that focuses on what’s underneath the money habits.

🚫 Set Clear Boundaries (with yourself too!)

• It’s okay to say no to lending money you’re not comfortable parting with.

• You don’t have to financially support family at the expense of your own well-being.

• Prioritize your needs and financial stability first. Practice saying no to yourself first, remembering that limits (even self imposed ones) aren’t purely selfish, but necessary for growth.

📆 Schedule Regular Check-ins with Yourself

• Set a monthly “money date” to review your finances, budget and tools used to track your spending.

• Practice self compassion, affirming statements, and gentle nudges toward accountability.

• Being kind to yourself is a real life acknowledgement that healing isn’t linear, and setbacks are part of the journey. Knowing how to handle setbacks and get back on track is key.

Your money story may have started before you were born.

But it doesn’t have to stay the same. Learning to manage money isn’t just about budgets and spreadsheets. It’s about healing from shame, scarcity, and ingrained survival mentalities. Start small, wherever you are now, and let the momentum guide you forward.

Your past financial struggles don’t have to define your future. You have the power to build a healthier, more confident relationship with money — on your own terms.

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